I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize