This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
