I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
