What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
