I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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