Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
