U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
