The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
