Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
