You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
