I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
