Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
