This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
