So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
