did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
