Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
