It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
