i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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