You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
