So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
pop tarts are not kleenex
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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