Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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