i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
