that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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