I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
