If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
