I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
