matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
