i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
