I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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