This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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