well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
