the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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