wat bout pragnant strippers??
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So here I am, sexting at work.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
