Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
