Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
