office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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