Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
there's paper in my vomit.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
