new low.... made out with someone while peeing
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
