can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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