3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
