I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
