I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
