just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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