if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Come share oat with me in your robe
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
