he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
