My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
