you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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