he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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