who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
