It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
