My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You did what with his pubic hair?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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