Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
