Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
