Texts From Last Night

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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it

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  (334): I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it http://tfl.nu/u4cv
  Replies (14) Good night (4939) Bad night (1097)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records

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  (515): we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records http://tfl.nu/b40n
  Replies (23) Good night (4710) Bad night (620)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Who said I want to share with you?

  (269): View more from Michigan

  You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.

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  (269): I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you. (616): Who said I want to share with you? (269): You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book. http://tfl.nu/trh2
  Replies (40) Good night (6791) Bad night (1001)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...

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  (519): I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling... http://tfl.nu/p0v8
  Replies (15) Good night (5843) Bad night (977)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."

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  (678): Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages." http://tfl.nu/1o45
  Replies (24) Good night (1664) Bad night (14424)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....

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  (806): You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping.... http://tfl.nu/mb43
  Replies (6) Good night (3319) Bad night (1316)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  Vomiting outside the employee entrance

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  (217): Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me? (1-217): Vomiting outside the employee entrance http://tfl.nu/gco9
  Replies (15) Good night (7220) Bad night (1617)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.

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  (715): How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it. http://tfl.nu/19iz
  Replies (13) Good night (637) Bad night (1715)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.

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  (812): She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila. http://tfl.nu/arvl
  Replies (5) Good night (2528) Bad night (945)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.

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  (734): he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur. http://tfl.nu/43r1
  Replies (6) Good night (1168) Bad night (519)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience

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  (620): We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience http://tfl.nu/dzei
  Replies (8) Good night (1794) Bad night (530)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now

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  (260): She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now http://tfl.nu/3rta
  Replies (5) Good night (1491) Bad night (754)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.

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  (202): He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot. http://tfl.nu/ubxb
  Replies (3) Good night (415) Bad night (1258)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.

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  (203): I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe. http://tfl.nu/ze7a
  Replies (4) Good night (1143) Bad night (349)
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  (+81): View more from

  He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????

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  (+81): He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave???? http://tfl.nu/srpt
  Replies (5) Good night (1029) Bad night (246)

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