We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
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Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.