This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.