First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
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she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
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He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.