happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
we're so committed to being not committed
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...