I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.