Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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