She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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