im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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