why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
