hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
