i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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