u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
3 2 1 whiskey
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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