dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
