youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
