You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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