I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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