It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
