The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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