ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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