watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
