dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
