Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
